(elusivefrown)

You forget how to put your life together. It’s always something. More red tape, more closed roads, more to look forward to.

Starting over is not so easy. It’s more than bombing the new house for cockroaches and setting up wireless internet. You see, I have all these nails and screws, all these tools, a hardhat and a really adorable pair of overalls ready to be used. But I haven’t had to build anything for a while.

You think that’s it, but then you look around while putting clothes in the wash and it’s not a life. It’s not that I didn’t see the fences. I read the No Trespassing signs and I eyed the surveillance cameras. It’s just that I’ve been spending so much time getting used to what is already there that I haven’t thought about what could be there.

You add things: a gym membership, grocery shopping, bar hopping. This is not a life. It’s a sham. You mimic what you see adults do on TV, what you see your parents do. You try to find people who resemble your old friends, but it’s not like college. We are not all in this together. Do-overs don’t exist out here and not everybody likes you.

All of a sudden, something was new. Something had changed, as if overnight. They tore down a building, they laid fresh asphalt, they have very convincing blueprints. And so one thing ends and another begins. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before and I’ll be bored of it in a week. It’s nothing really.

Gonna have to fake it until you make it, I guess. You better make some friends, cowboy, because you can’t run any further than the Rio Grande River and you’ve signed a two-year lease.